Mind in a Whirl

photo courtesy of NOAA
Today is the ninth day, which is one week and two days, of the Omer. This day is Gevurah of Gevurah. The quality of absolute discipline. An unquestioning, and unyielding adherence to the exact letter of the law, no mitigation, no tempering.

Lately I have been having trouble staying focused during davening. Since I have not been able to concentrate I have been tempted to skip parts of the service in hopes of staying focused on the other portions. It seems that this is a case where extreme discipline is needed. Reb Natan writes in his commentary on the Talmudic tale of the Wise Men of Athens:

Likutey Halakhot, Shabbat 6
…even a person on a low spiritual level, who whenever he begins to pray immediately finds his mind distracted and preoccupied, must nonetheless remain firm and continue praying to G-d….This then was the question of the Wise Men of Athens: “What of the person who prays and serves G-d , only to find that what he does is confused and incoherent?” As mentioned, this is something which happens often to most people: even when they force themselves to pray, they can only manage a little bit before becoming distracted and incapable of going on…. “If that’s the case that his prayers and devotions are always confused,” the Wise Men asked, “why did he then pray again? After seeing that he is incapable of praying properly so that his prayers ascend, why does he keep trying? These latter prayers will also prove inadequate and leave him confused?”…. “don’t let this surprise you,” Rabbi Yehoshua answered them. “Even those who engage in Torah study and the performance of mitzvot are incapable of elevating their devotions without the true tzaddik..….This likewise applies to the person who whenever he begins to pray, immediately finds his mind distracted and preoccupied. He gets so confused that he cannot go on praying. Nonetheless, he must remain firm and continue praying to G-d, again and again, throughout his days. For the tzaddik, while elevating all the other prayers, will elevate also these confused and incoherent prayers.

Discipline is never an end in itself, only a means to an end
-Robert Fripp